I had a boyfriend once. I left him behind despite he was a cutie. Well, as I always said, it’s not about who left the other but why. If your partner pushed you to break up with him or he dumped you, it’s the same thing. We are not in a race, once we started it together, we are a team. It doesn’t make a difference who left the race or screw it first. After all, it’s not a winning/ losing, counting points process or, at least, shouldn’t be.
Anyway, I loved him so much, but I loved myself more. Not that selfish narcissism, love, when you don’t want to scarify for the other or change small habits or cope with the new situation. You want it all or nothing. Not that kind of self-love with a checklist expectations & criteria’s.
I loved myself the kind of love, I accepted it as she is, made a projected life plan with her, I knew by that time where I want to be in 10 and 20 years from now. How I will look, dress, spend my day and feel most of the time … I was able to see clearly what I should stand for and protect from all the social stereotypes and the should-you, must-you… I was free of obligation to truly, deeply be who I am and express it in every single word or act in my daily life. He was blocking my path toward that. So I had to make my choice.
I would be a bad liar if I told you it was easy. It was killing me. During many desperate nights, I was considering calling him back, throwing all my values and dreams over and stick to what I thought is the love of my life. Somehow, strangely, I had this very loud inner- voice who accepted suicide – which I believe worse sin ever- rather than betraying myself.
I kept repeating “It Is Better To Be Alone Than In Bad Company”. And only God knew that the bad company wasn’t my ex-boyfriend but myself around him.
Love ME Before Him
I think the greatest and most essential feeling you need in order to enjoy loving and being loved is first loving the person you are in the relationship. Still be authentic to yourself in the process of creating a new life and build or adjust plans to fit both partners in the relationship.
Years later, I met my husband in a place and timing I was the least expecting to meet someone who I will be ready to change all my plans for without having to give on my self-love. I am not saying that every girl’s dream man is there waiting the right moment to show up, or pitching about destiny and soul mate. It’s not the way it is, even after marriage. You still need to consider your self-love first, else you would be lost again.
The point is you never know, who you are going to meet. But you should definitely know who you are or what you want to be. If not, don’t worry about anything now. Go out & grab a life and Find It! Find your identity before finding your soulmate.
No one can stop you from getting what you are supposed to get, but yourself.
When you doubt yourself, you believe you deserve less. You take for granted the most important thing in life which is your originality. You accept to be like anyone else because you don’t know who you are when you are supposed to be someone. The worse thing ever in this whole process is to deceive your own expectations, because no matter how you do well after, you will never be satisfied.
ME is definitely deserving
I know the feeling when you are hurt from betraying, desperate from trying to fix things, eager to experience achievements and accomplishments, you have probably seen it happening to others and you are angry and cry “why not me!” nobody can answer this question for you, and you better stop comparing yourself with others, because this is a battle you will never win. Even the person you are comparing yourself with will never win it. You can’t tell how life is treating the other person you are envying until you walk in his shoes. And you can’t. So just stop it. Focus on your life, just YOURSELF.
I know how you feel now. I still remember that time, I felt life has ended the day I left him. That I was giving up what I already had for sure to find who I am, what I can be, how far I can go and do things my way. I wasn’t sure. Hesitating made it harder, thinking that I may not get what I want or find better. I can understand how painful the experience is or scary it seems to be, especially with all the Valentine pressure and been single etiquette every day. As if it’s a disease or contagious virus you need to hide. Especially if the “single” etiquette comes with a whole “social perfect package”: young age, charming personality or look, professional success … People become pushier I guess. I still can’t understand from where comes the need to always ask people about what they don’t have or didn’t accomplish yet, can’t they be just grateful for what the person is. It doesn’t seem it makes a difference in their lives or add value to his anyway.
For quite a decent period, I had to face all those negative thoughts and doubts, But I kept telling myself “tomorrow is another day”, “tomorrow is another day” then “the day after” … until I made it.
Now, that people ask me how have you made it in whatever I do, I say “Love yourself first, always be your ultimate priority”
You will have bad days, struggles & failures. But you will always be ready to face them as long as you are fully unconditionally there to support yourself. If you lose yourself, you will give the key to your happiness and success to someone else. As much as I believe how love, family, friendship is mandatory facts to bring balance to our lives. I prefer being there for myself first for me and for those I love too. At the end, you will only say “It was for the best”