A question I receive a lot especially from women, is when should I get married? When is it the right time to commit to a relationship?
Some, under the social pressure, break out at a certain age and jump into the first available “fit”. Others, keep postponing, fear of a relationship holding them back.
From my experience, walking both paths separately and sometimes juggling between them. I believe the answer depends mainly on where you stand up in your personal growth experience and your choice second. – By your choice, I mean the choice of partner.-
What is a Personal Growth Experience?
When I refer to your personal growth experience, I am not saying that once you are in a relationship you wouldn’t grow.
At the opposite, it is a whole new horizon of discovery and challenges that will open up for you. What I want you to understand is that in order to be able to embrace this change and realize whether it is the right fit for you or not, a high level of self-awareness and self-understanding are key before considering another person’s involvement in your life.
There are situations where a relationship precedes the personal growth journey and it works. But, most of the time, it turns wrong.
As much as we hate to admit that, if you are willing to continue to grow, sometimes the relationship must end.
When It’s Time to Let a Relationship Go?
Sometimes, our partners get in the way of our finding unconditional love for ourselves, and we think,” My man loves me, so why wouldn’t he want me to be the best ME? Why wouldn’t he want me to be 100 percent happy?’
In truth, many people don’t want to change. They even feel threatened when the people around them start growing or trading in limiting beliefs for self-loving ones.
In such circumstances, a man may resist, becomes indifferent, or threaten to leave. Such behaviors have nothing to do with love or your happiness, they are about him. He may be scared that you won’t need him once you love yourself. Or he may fear that the spotlight will be turned on his own lack of self-love, and since he doesn’t want to change himself, he won’t want you to change either.
If you ever find yourself in this scenario. You need to realize what you deserve and what you trade to get that. It has to be your own decision, not your friend, mother or even life coach. You are the only one to live with that decision.
The reason I emphasize that is:
Yes, you deserve people in your life that support the woman you are today and are growing into.
However, you will have to be ready, to be honest.
Just because you wake up and decide to hop on the path of loving ME doesn’t mean your partner will be ready to- and you have to be willing to move on without him. Sometimes it comes with a heartbroken, others just the “used to” comfort.
I made this decision before. I understand the struggle. It is just a memory now, but it was bravery by then.
I remember an ex-person, who was light-years away from loving himself, told me at the end of our relationship that I cannot always get what I want. Looking back, I wondered what made him think so. Now, I understand. It is his perception of himself and not about me.
Another ex-person told me he thought I didn’t need him any longer. And he was right! I was in the beginning stages of learning to love ME, which should have been a great addition to our relationship. Instead, my growing connection to an expression of my true ME freaked him out, and ultimately it contributed to his hasty departure.
Should I stay or Should I go?
Once you realize that Conditional love is based on conditional need. The question becomes clear: “do I want to be with someone who doesn’t fully support me in loving myself, someone who may not love himself?’ My answer was roaring “NO!”. What about you?
Does this answer your question when should I commit in a relationship? Literally no. Nobody has the right to dictate that on you. Technically, yes. Within yourself, you are also able to decide, even if you are already in a relationship, whether it is right for you or not.
Because the answer to this question depends on how you feel about your growth journey: your stage of loving yourself, your state of personal harmony and balance.
Do You Truly Love Yourself Today?
“Not yet” is an okay answer.
In fact, most of us don’t honestly fully love ourselves, unless we have made a conscious choice and put a heck of a lot of effort into doing so.
Loving ME is a journey that takes time, and for most of us, it’s a foreign concept that introduces new feelings, experiences, beliefs, and proclamations. So, it makes sense that the road to finding self-love looks a little murky.
One final note I want to leave you with, I know I used women/ men jargon here. But what I shared above remains accurate regardless of your gender.
Stay Tuned for a pursuit to this journey in upcoming articles.